Fun is an emotionally judgmental addition.
-Things I've Heard Vic Say

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Horse Halitosis

"Horse Halitosis" was a regular feature of the nightly KLIT News show we did for years on our closed circuit TV system. It was a way for our students to ask questions and get an answer that was "straight from the horse's mouth".

Dear Horse Halitosis,

My boyfriend and I took Basic Sensuality together. He has been practicing "doing" me and we are having a lot of fun. Sometimes, though, he stops rubbing on me just when it is starting to get really good. What should I do?

Signed, Just Getting Going

Dear JGG,

You and your friend are on a sexual adventure! It's great that you are open-minded and willing to experiment. As you have noticed, sometimes people become goal oriented.

In bed, these goals may get in the way of pleasure; for example, when a person's attention is on the goal, it is hard to notice the strokes right now that would naturally lead to greater sensation. From there, it is tempting to judge the experience and oneself and bingo! You are in your head and not noticing what is available to be felt. This is compounded by the fact that in our culture, we do not commonly talk while having sex, let alone acknowledge specific ways it feels good. So, the person ends up non-confronting pleasure and waiting to come.

Sensuality is in another direction. You and your boyfriend have a wonderful opportunity to research how delightful each stroke could possibly feel. This would take deciding that this moment, this stroke, is all that there is. It would take interest in and approval of each part of each stroke. It would take gradient experimentation with pressure, speed and location with communication about it as you go along. Have fun!

Signed, Horse Halitosis

PS The Fundamentals of Sensuality course offers a demonstration of this.




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